


ten seconds

by yunchannn



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Freeform, M/M, Pining, Songfic, angst angst angst, hints of unrequited love, idk what else to tag, they just talk about feelings, this is one hell of a self indulgent mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 14:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunchannn/pseuds/yunchannn
Summary: "If unrequited love is still love, will my heart be at ease?"





	ten seconds

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a frenzy so excuse the poor quality :::)
> 
> also I wrote this back when bang's new team wasn't announced yet

_I'm drunk with the night’s emotions_  
_Thinking about stuff and I came here_  
 _No need to be nervous, it's nothing important_  
 _Just listen first, I don't wanna hear anything from you_

Junsik stretched out his legs before him as he took another sip from his can of beer. He was dressed in his hoodie and sweatpants but he still felt the cold. He tilted his head back as he took a sip, catching sight of the millions of bright stars dotted against the night sky along with the glow of the full moon.

He’d rather think about that than think of the future. At least, the moon and the stars will always be there, he thought to himself. Their place in this world was constant you will always expect them to appear as soon as the sky turns dark.

On the other hand here he was, facing an uncertain future, not knowing where he will be next year, next season.

He was no longer a constant.

_God…_ he thought to himself as he took another sip. He should really stop drinking it was making him so…so emo. If his team mates can hear his mind right now they’d be teasing him endlessly. And that was what he’ll miss of course. All that teasing, all that noise coming from his team mates in the gaming house.

And he’ll miss his room mate most of all. His weird, introverted, sometimes annoying room mate.

_Gosh I’m being so emotional over Sanghyeok_ he thought to himself. _I should really stop drinking, all this beer is getting into my head._

But he took another sip anyway.

And that’s when he heard footsteps behind him followed by a voice he knew deep down he will try hard not to forget. As if he will forget.

“Junsik? What are you doing out here?”

_You know what? I really need this beer._ Junsik brought the can again to his lips to avoid answering to Sanghyeok not that he was going to admit that. He continued to gaze straight ahead despite seeing Sanghyeok from the corner of his eye.

“Can I join you?”

_You’re already beside me._ Junsik lowered his can, feeling the bitterness down his throat.

“Go ahead.” He said gesturing at the empty seat next to him. Sanghyeok did just that and Junsik had no idea why his heart momentarily raced at that.

“Gee dude how many beers have you had?” Sanghyeok said looking at the cans of beer by Junsik’s feet. In truth Junsik lost count but he was pretty confident he was not that drunk yet. Or at least his vision wasn’t swimming. Yet.

He shrugged. “Still not enough apparently.” He tried to smile to pass it off as a joke but Sanghyeok continued to give him this look of concern.

Junsik turned away. He really didn’t need that right now. Didn’t need his roommate and teammate of many years give him this…concerned look. Full of pity. Sympathy.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

_God what am I doing?_

“Like what?” Sanghyeok replied and it annoyed Junsik how he can sound so…innocent. Like he truly had no idea of what he was doing and how it affected others sometimes. It was so…so annoying.

But he was gonna miss it anyway.

Miss him.

“That.”

_Am I trying to pick a fight? If yes, why? If no then what am I doing?_

“You’re giving me this…” Junsik gestured wildly at the air. “This pity face. Oh poor Junsik getting drunk because he’s upset about leaving poor Junsik not knowing where he’ll end up because of his terrible performance all season—“

“Junsik.”

“Poor Junsik is some team going to want him? Always the goddamn number two that’s who I am—“

“Junsik.”

“I don’t know where I’ll be or…or if some team is even going to put me on starter—“

“JUNSIK!”

Sanghyeok stood up, balling his hands into tight fists.

_Oh fuck. What did I just say? I really am drunk. I can’t fucking believe._

Sanghyeok glared at Junsik, gone was his concerned face and was now replaced with anger. Junsik can only look up at him and in the middle of that he had dropped his half empty can of beer.

“Why are you talking like that about yourself?” he started walking towards him and quietly Junsik started praying that he wouldn’t come any closer but Sanghyeok did anyway. Junsik inhaled deeply, preparing himself for whatever he was going to get.

Sanghyeok’s fists were trembling. Junsik wished he hadn’t noticed that.

Sanghyeok looked like he was holding back tears. Junsik wished he hadn’t noticed that.

Sanghyeok smelled like a mix of vanilla and aftershave up close. Junsik wished he hadn’t notice that.

Sanghyeok was biting his lip so hard Junsik feared that it might bleed. He also wished he hadn’t noticed that.

A million wishes was going through his mind right now and really, if only those stars up there weren’t just burning balls of gas he would’ve screamed one wish at them. But now that he thought about it, what wish would that be?

For him to stay? For time to rewind where he can tell Sanghyeok that he wants to be alone instead of inviting him to sit next to him?

_I would wish…_

“Don’t you know how amazing you are? And stop underlying your talents just because we had a bad year. It’s not your fault Junsik.”

Junsik was surprised Sanghyeok sounded…together. He didn’t sound like he was about to cry at all. On the other hand there was this swell in Junsik’s throat, causing him to fear that if he even opened his mouth to speak, he might cry.

And as if Sanghyeok’s close proximity wasn’t enough, Sanghyeok dropped to his knees beside him not breaking his gaze as he did so. He reached for Junsik’s hand and Junsik let him despite his conflicting emotions and thoughts and the feeling of Sanghyeok’s fingers curling around his own did weird things to Junsik’s heart that he didn’t want to think about at the moment.

Sanghyeok held his hand tighter as if he too was trying hard to convey something big but all he could blurt out was one sentence.

“It’s not your fault and it never was.”

_Tomorrow and the day after that, I know we'll be friends_  
_But as a friend to a friend, let's just talk_  
 _That's why I called you at this time, sorry_  
 _If a conversation is too much, just listen_  
 _I was trying to hold it in but I'm so frustrated_  
 _I'm about to get sick_

“I don’t want you to go either.” Sanghyeok said and his voice slightly wavered at that but he pushed on. “This is tough on me as well. I have to adjust to…new people. And you know I’m not good with that.”

 

_We’ve already come so far_  
_I just quietly waited_  
 _Every night, pacing back and forth through the memories_  
 _Trying to throw away these feelings_

“You know how I am with strangers sometimes. It’s like, I just say what’s on my mind not thinking about how it will affect others.”

Junsik wanted to remind him that he’s like that with everyone but decided to keep quiet. He feared Sanghyeok might pull his hand away.

“Like, remember back in the Asian Games where I was roommates with Yong-in and I said it was weird? Then he said his feelings got hurt because of what I said but I dunno he kind of said it jokingly? Th-that’s what I meant but oh nevermind I don’t want to make this about me.” Sanghyeok shifted his weight a little but continued to hold on to Junsik’s hand and Sanghyeok had no idea how that fact alone filled Junsik with relief.

“I just wanted you to know that…I’ll miss you I guess. And the others too. It will be tough without you guys.”

_My heart won't listen to me_  
_I didn't know it was this bad_  
 _But I still feel so strongly, I'm a bit impatient_  
 _Who knows? I'll keep the door open_

Sanghyeok’s smile grew as he recalled a fond memory. “And I’m gonna miss Jaewan’s “jumanji””!

That got Junsik laughing as well. Or at least he smiled back and let out a sound that’s good enough to be passed as a laugh in his drunken state. Or semi-drunken state?

And before he knew it…

“I’m gonna miss that too.”

Well it’s not exactly what he wanted to say, chickening out at the last minute.

“And I’m gonna miss…”

_You next to me._

_You waking me up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream._

_You and your strong opinions over dinner._

“Hmm?” Sanghyeok said as if prompting him to continue. But he could not say it. How can he without looking stupid? And he certainly didn’t want to be made fun of right now so Junsik just gave a half-hearted shrug.

“…a lot of things.”

_Like playing with water in the summer  
You're a spring rain story to my drought-like life_

Junsik felt disappointed when Sanghyeok tried to pull him up. “Come on let’s get you back inside.”

He felt disappointed because he knew that if he stood up, Sanghyeok would let him go.

“No. I kind of want to stay here.”

“I think you’ve had enough beer for one night.” Sanghyeok said, even raising a sceptical eyebrow at him.

“Gee you sound like my mom or something.” When he tried taking another sip again, Sanghyeok grabbed his wrist and gently held the can away from his face.

“Go back inside. It’s getting late.”

He knew there was no fighting this one. If there’s one thing he learned about Sanghyeok during their time together it’s the fact that this midlaner was stubborn as hell.

“I’ll just throw all of these away for you.” Sanghyeok said, gesturing at the beer cans on the balcony floor. “Now go back inside okay? And get some sleep. Lord knows you’re gonna wake up with a hangover tomorrow.”

“Sure mom. Whatever.” Junsik replied, trying to play it lightly, sound like his stomach wasn’t tying itself in knots right now and it had nothing to do with all the beer he had.

He let Sanghyeok pull him up and now that they were face to face a crazy idea popped into Junsik’s mind a crazy idea that he knew he might regret the following day when he was sober but maybe…maybe it will be worth it.

_Just one time, for 10 seconds let me hug you_  
_Just enough so it won’t ruin our friendship_  
 _Just enough so I won't have any regret_

“Hey Sanghyeok can I hug you?”

The response Junsik got was one he expected, trying not to laugh at the way Sanghyeok’s eyes grew wide, almost comical, as he looked at him.

“Just for ten seconds. Come on.”

Junsik stepped closer, opening his arms for a bit.

“You really are drunk.” Sanghyeok said but he was smiling. And he didn’t step away.

“Oh come on now you know I’m going to miss you. And of course you’ll miss me too.”

“Eww. As if I will.” Sanghyeok laughed, rolling his eyes and shyly looking away from Junsik, turning his gaze instead at something on Junsik’s left.

Junsik knew that it was just a hug but still he didn’t want to tackle Sanghyeok if the guy didn’t want to. He already braced himself, preparing to say that he was just kidding haha can’t believe you fell for it but then Sanghyeok surprised him by initiating the hug himself.

Junsik of course was taken by surprise. One minute his arms were just hovering awkwardly in the air and Sanghyeok looked embarrassed but here he was now, leaning himself against Junsik, his arms around Junsik’s waist and his hands clasped behind it.

Junsik stared at nothing in particular, still trying to digest that this was really happening when Sanghyeok nudged him.

“Hey I thought you wanted a hug?”

Junsik felt like his face was on fire and he prayed that if it does show Sanghyeok will just think it’s because of the alcohol.

“Y-yeah well you’re already hugging me so…”

“Then hug me back, dumbass. I look embarrassing.”

And it’s true, Junsik noted. Sanghyeok was visibly blushing and he had no idea which one of them looked redder at the moment. As if sensing his thoughts Sanghyeok buried his head in Junsik’s shoulder like he wanted to hide his face and he said in a muffled voice…

“Hug me back already. Ten seconds.”

Right. He only got ten seconds. Better make this count. Junsik inhaled deeply trying not to smile at how it felt when Sanghyeok spoke against his hoodie.

Slowly as if he was scared that this was all a dream (he even caught his fingers trembling) Junsik brought his arms around Sanghyeok placing his hands on Sanghyeok’s back and he didn’t know why but he was struck with this sudden thought that he wanted to memorize this.

Memorize it all.

Memorize Sanghyeok.

How Sanghyeok’s body felt like underneath his fingertips.

How Sanghyeok felt like against him, chest to chest.

How Sanghyeok smelled, standing this close to him.

Before he can have second thoughts Junsik buried his face against the crook of Sanghyeok’s neck and he held him closer.

“That…kind of tickles.” Sanghyeok commented, letting out a light chuckle as if to assure Junsik that yes it was ticklish but he didn’t mind.

Should he say sorry? No Junsik didn’t want to ruin the moment. He closed his eyes as if that act alone will help him memorize.

_This is how your embrace feels, it's very warm_  
_Maybe it's because I love you_  
 _But you're so beautiful, you, who I can't have_

Both of them were silent, not saying anything just holding on to each other. Were any of them counting? Junsik didn’t know anymore and if he was going to be honest with himself he didn’t want to reach one or ten.

He didn’t want to count.

But Sanghyeok…

Sanghyeok will always surprise him.

“Ten.” He said, breaking the silence in the air.

“Nine.”

Junsik couldn’t help himself. “Count slower.”

“Eeeeeight.”

Sanghyeok felt Junsik smile against his neck. “Not like that you jerk.”

“Well then you count.”

“Don’t want to.”

“Aha! I knew this was a scam.” Laughing, Sanghyeok tried to wriggle himself away from Junsik’s grasp and Junsik let out an annoyed sound, trying to hold on to Sanghyeok.

They both laughed as Sanghyeok stepped back, wrenching himself away from Junsik but before he can even blink Junsik was holding him again.

Junsik held on to Sanghyeok’s waist but this time he didn’t pull Sanghyeok any closer, instead just staring into his eyes as if he was done memorizing what Sanghyeok’s body felt like underneath his touch now he wanted to memorize his face. He almost failed to notice it when Sanghyeok placed his hands on his shoulders.

“You really are going to miss me huh?” he said, grinning coyly.

“Shut up.”

_My head says no but I want you_  


For some reason that will forever remain a mystery to the both of them, they both pulled each other in for another hug at the same time. And this time Junsik counted.

“Seven.”

_As time goes by, these feelings get stronger_

Sanghyeok continued. “Six.”

Junsik’s heart was beating so loud he feared Sanghyeok might hear it. He wondered if Sanghyeok’s was doing the same thing too. Or what if it was just him? Whatever. Better not think about such things.

_I try to hide it but I keep moving to my instincts_

“Five.” Junsik answered.

Better to just savour the moment.

Better to not think about anything else.

_When I'm next to you, I'm a friend_

“Four.”

Better to just try to memorize him.

Memorize each other.

_When I’m alone I’m a lover_

“Three.”

Better to not think about how this will end.

And the fact that it was going to end.

_I tried to get over you so I walked_

“Two.”

But it was inevitable wasn’t it? As they say, all things must come to an end.

But why is that? Why does it have to be?

Why can’t they just…

_But you're so perfect to me, like a dream_

Neither of them wanted to say it. But one of them will have to, eventually.

But Junsik knew he wasn’t brave enough. So he just pulled away without a word.

“One.” It was Sanghyeok who said it, Sanghyeok who will always surprise him, Sanghyeok with the annoying tendency to just say whatever’s going through his mind, Sanghyeok who had the habit to chew on his fingers when he was concentrating.

He can say a lot of things about Sanghyeok, both things he liked and hated. But for now he will just have to sum it all up with: Sanghyeok whom he was going to miss.

“Now off to bed you go.” Sanghyeok said and like a child Junsik let himself be led back to the room they share. He refused to think how it will be “room they once shared” in a few months and god he didn’t want to think about who will replace him because it will only lead to worry. Will they comfort Sanghyeok when he got a bad dream? Will they get up at 1 in the morning if he got thirsty? Will they make Sanghyeok feel safe, at ease? Will they make him laugh when he got tired, upset?

“Sanghyeok…” Junsik grabbed Sanghyeok’s wrist, causing Sanghyeok to stop and turn to him.

“I…”

“Sssh. You’re drunk enough on your ass already.” Sanghyeok reached out and gently brushed the hair on Junsik’s forehead. “And I feel like I’m taking care of a five year old.”

“Who drinks.” Junsik added with a little laugh, wanting to forget the thing he was about to say. Almost said.

“Yeah. A five year old who drinks. Now it’s nap time you drunk five year old.”

It was better this way, Junsik tried to assure himself. Better to not burden each other anymore. This was hard on Sanghyeok too, what was he thinking? This was hard on everybody.

He wasn’t the only one hurting.

Junsik threw himself face down on his bed. Yes, it was better this way.

“I’ll go get some water in case you need it.”

Junsik said nothing.

Sanghyeok walked over to close the lights.

“Good night.”

He can feel Sanghyeok’s eyes on him, can sense that Sanghyeok was waiting for him to reply.

Or was it just his hopes? His heart that was hurting?

But he replied anyway just as the room went dark.

“Good night.”

And he said his wish out loud just as Sanghyeok’s footsteps receded and he heard the door close.

“Lee Sanghyeok…” Junsik looked up from his pillow to stare at the closed door, imagining that Sanghyeok was still on the other side.

“I wish I can be your constant.”

 

_You're a spring rain story to my drought-like life_

_If unrequited love is still love will my heart be at ease?_

**Author's Note:**

> I got some of the details from interviews/articles:
> 
> Jaewan’s “jumanji” – I can’t remember anymore if it was spring or summer split but bang & faker did this 10q&a thing where bang was asked who was the funniest teammate 
> 
> Asian games Yong-in – from an interview where faker was asked how it felt like being roommates with corejj for the Asian games and he said it was weird and corejj said wow he was hurt
> 
> Strong opinions- from last year’s all stars where cuvee said in an interview that they were having dinner when the topic of bitcoin came up and apparently faker had strong opinions over it and talked a lot about it
> 
> bad dream- also in the 10q&a thing where bang was asked to tell a funny story about faker since they were roommates and bang said that one time faker had a bad dream and he asked if bang was still there (S H I P) (why u do this to me offseason)
> 
> the rest I just took some creative liberties I guess? lololol 
> 
> The lyrics (the ones italicized in the center) are from the song Hug Me by iKON (STAN iKON!!!) which I took inspiration from and helped me write this


End file.
